What to do

Are you a loved one of someone who has been a victim of sexual violence?

Whether you are the parent, spouse, friend or child of someone who has experienced sexual violence, not knowing how to react, not knowing what to say and/or having a lot of questions is perfectly normal. Regardless of the context, it is desirable to disclose* sexual violence with support from qualified people. At CAVAS, we offer direct assistance services aimed at the loved ones of victims of sexual violence, regardless of the age of the victim and whether or not they are receiving care.

*Disclosure is when a victim of sexual violence breaks their silence about what they have experienced (recently or in the past) to a loved one or a professional (without necessarily involving the police).

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Loved ones : Potential impacts/reactions

Any loved one of a victim of sexual violence may be impacted by this kind of situation. There is no such thing as “normal” emotions when you are a loved one of someone who experiences sexual violence. However, it is important to deal with these emotions appropriately and to direct them toward the right people. It is essential to remember that the victim is never to blame for this type of crime, regardless of the context in which it occurred.

Seeking professional help and appropriate resources can, therefore, be very beneficial and of great help to both the loved one and the victim. The victim’s recovery benefits greatly from the good support and the involvement of loved ones.

Here are some examples of possible reactions from loved ones:

  • Anger or shame
  • Guilt
  • Helplessness
  • Sadness
  • Fear
  • Lack of understanding
  • Surprise
  • Overprotection
  • Difficulties in the spousal relationship
  • Past experience of sexual violence resurfaces because of the disclosure
  • Child shows a loosening of discipline
  • Etc.

If the victim is a minor, it is important not to promise to keep it a secret.

Why? Because the Youth Protection Act states that anyone who has reason to believe that a child has been sexually abused must contact the Director of Youth Protection (DYP) at 1-800-361-8665 to report the situation, regardless of who the perpetrator is and the means taken by the parents/guardians to correct the situation. You can tell the child that they did the right thing by telling you. It is important not to question them (instead, let them speak freely in their own words).

You may also not know how to help the person. In that case, you can be honest with them and simply acknowledge them. You can listen to and support someone even without being a counsellor. Don’t hesitate to contact CAVAS for support.

In order to better support the victim,

we strongly recommend that you visit the Supportive attitudes to adopt when someone discloses sexual violence Section.